"Of this we are witnesses"

Today at Mass a phrase stood out for me:

“The author of life you put to death, but God raised him from the dead; of this we are witnesses.”

And in the gospel, I heard Luke recount how Jesus made himself known to his disciples after his resurrection; how Jesus opened their minds to the scriptures and made them realize that “You are witnesses of these things." It all came together for them after a resurrected Jesus appeared to them through their sharing a meal in this story from the book of Luke. It was an intimate encounter with the risen Lord that allowed them to accept the truth of what the Lord had been preparing them for all along.

The story of Luke tells us how the disciples had been questioning. I imagine that they, like me, would have been wondering, “Now what?” ….“What does this all mean?”

You see, I too question God. Today’s readings challenged me to not only remember God’s mercy and the sacrifice that his son made for me but to examine how different my life would be without having the grace of realization that Jesus Christ is alive and active in my life today.

Three Saturday’s ago at sundown our Christian community assembled outside the church doors. The sky was becoming dusky and a wind was whipping up the flames in the fire pit outside. As the fire was blessed, the Pascal candle was processed inside and I thought of all the winds in my life that had me drifting from one truth-ism to the other. The world offers me lots of truth-isms. They come in the form of attractions that are initially appealing but have little depth. After encountering these false gods, I was always left feeling empty and spiritually unsettled, until one day many years ago I encountered Him. And at times I wonder….now what? What does this all mean?

Having made the light holy, our diverse community  entered into a darkened church together. Stumbling to find seats, we all held small candles that were being lit one by one, from the large Pascal candle. We each passed along our light, until in a few minutes the darkened room was glowing from the light emanated by all our little candles. I remembered the darkness I had been living in, darkness that I was not aware of, because I had become accustomed to my limited perception of truth. This night I was witnessing the symbolic sharing of the light of Christ, given to each one of us through our baptism.

“The author of life you put to death, but God raised him from the dead; of this we are witnesses.”

Our candles were then extinguished and we heard many reading from the Old Testament, we retold our creation story, we heard of Abraham's obedience, of the Red Sea crossing, I reflected on how God had been actively pursuing all of us since the very beginning of time. We listened to how throughout all of those years, God's chosen people sustained themselves on God’s word and promise and how God faithfully brought them out of slavery. Yes, I too had been a slave to a darkened world. My own story of salvation is very similar and I couldn’t help but feel my heart wanting to burst out in joy for how the Lord had rescued me. Lord, you did this all for me? How wonderful is our God! As I reflected on this, the great Gloria is sung. The lights are brought on. The larger than life wooden resurrected Christ hanging in our sanctuary becomes a focal point, a reminder of a miracle that came to be so many years ago.  It hangs joyfully over our altar, where our Lord willingly makes himself the sacrificial lamb of God, once and for all of eternity.   We anticipate sharing in this mystical meal, where we too can be transformed.  The sanctuary had been bare for a week, we now see surrounded by all kinds of beautiful springtime flowers, bells are rung and all of us rejoice, throughout the entire world all the people of God rejoice. Yes, how great is our God!

“The author of life you put to death, but God raised him from the dead; of this we are witnesses.”

Then our focus shifted to the blessing of the water in the baptismal font. Now we prepare to witness many individuals who after a significant amount of time in discernment, prayer, and study came forth publicly desiring to become baptized in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The church choir sings Alleluia out loud after each immersion. After which they were presented with their own Easter candle, a reminder to them of their individual acceptance to become witnesses to the light of Christ in all they do and say. The assembly gathered joyfully, we all were watching a spiritual dying to an old way and a rebirth to a new creation, it was exhilarating! I also recalled my own moment when I, as an adult took my faith as my own and felt blessed to stand and be welcomed among the people of our church, strengthened by thier own resurrection stories.

“The author of life you put to death, but God raised him from the dead; of this we are witnesses.”

Finally we all gathered around the altar table where we prepared to share in a spiritual banquet and to worship our God as he transforms the simple elements of bread and wine into his body and blood. This part of the liturgy is the summit of our faith.  Being baptized as a Christian we are committed to do what Jesus commanded.

In my own spiritual transformation, I recall the Eucharistic mystery being the one I struggled with the most. How could this be true; Jesus truly present in the form of bread and wine? Until one day the scriptures were opened to me and I read "I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.” (Jn 6:53)
I continued to read, I saw that many of his followers struggled too, they walked away.  I had been one of those disciples who walked away from this truth; it was just too incredible to bear. How different my faith is today, due to my own encounter with my resurrected Lord many years ago. Today I believe and accept this mystery, like Peter I realized that there is no one else who speaks truth, He is the One. Quietly I prepare my heart in order to receive Christ in this Eucharistic feast, thankful of His mercy.

Today on the third Sunday of Easter, I became more deeply aware and thankful that the author of life, whom I put to death, was raised by the Father on the third day will never abandon me. I am a witness to of all these things that Jesus did for me. God is love.

"Thus it is written that the Christ would suffer and rise from the dead on the third day and that repentance, for the forgiveness of sins, would be preached in his name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things."

We continue to celebrate Easter, our church embraces this season until May 27th when we celebrate the Feast of Pentecost....until then, let us not be troubled....we have encountered him. Glory be to God!

End of Lent -Still Praying

Last night my family gathered with my parish family to commemorate the end of Lent as we read publicly and reenacted what our Bible tells us what a very special Passover night (Luke 22:7-20) .  Jesus had his final meal with his closest companions and prepared them for his death and resurrection.  As Christians, we interpret this night as the night when Jesus instituted the New Covenant.

“When the hour came, Jesus and his apostles reclined at the table. And he said to them, I have eagerly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it finds fulfillment in the kingdom of God. After taking the cup, he gave thanks and said, "Take this and divide it among you. For I tell you I will not drink again of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes….And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me." In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.

Early Christians understood this as an important sign of communion among believers and for over 2000 years many of us have faithfully continued this tradition, taking Jesus at his word, that is, that our bread and wine truly become his body and blood. How many times have I rejected this reality by not properly preparing my heart and mind to share in this mystical meal? How many times have I rejected my brother’s or sister’s pain or denied God's will for me and gathered around this table unworthily, as Judas did?  Lord, help me to be aware of my sins of omission, I prayed.

On this night we remember how Jesus told Peter that he would deny knowing Jesus three times. (Lk 22:31-34) How many times have I been like Peter? And yet, Peter went on to lead the early Christian community.  Peter’s weakness and sense of not being ready to lead others in the Christian faith gives me hope.  Lord, help me to be mindful of how easy it is for me to reject you when I fear that my identity as a Catholic may make me uncomfortable, to be unpopular or cause me to lose favor among others. Help me to realize that you don't "call the qualified, but qualify the called."

Last night our Pastor stooped to wash the feet of twelve of our parishioners, (Jn 13: 1-17) in doing so, reenacted what Jesus did on this night many years before.  I studied the faces of those who had been chosen, some were moved to tears, and others silently and prayerfully sat as our spiritual leader poured water and dried their feet.  I was filled with sadness as I thought “How many times have I wanted to be served, instead of serving? How many times have I tried to justify what I do out of selfishness by saying “this is what I think is best”? In this re enactment I am reminded that I must work in communion with others and I must be willing to let go of my comfortable lifestyle for the sake of building up God’s kingdom. How difficult this is for me, to let go of my pride in order to be obedient to God. I prayed for God’s mercy.

Last night, as I sat in our pew and prayed, I looked around and saw people filling up our temple space.  Many had to stand around the back walls because we did not have enough room to sit all who came.  Such a diverse community and yet here we all gathered on this night, to remember and to worship such a merciful God. None of us are worthy but I would venture to say that we all gathered because we are all thankful for such a loving God. Last night, I prayed for more faith.

"But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him."

Hebrews 11:6

The Pope's Visit to Cuba

 

These last few weeks, I have been praying for Cubans and reflecting on the Pope Benedicts XVI’s pilgrimage to Mexico and Cuba. As a Cuban, I was particularly interested in his visit to Cuba. As a Catholic, I was hopeful on how his journey would impact those with no faith at all.

It was hard not to fantasize how the Pope would humiliate the Castro regime. I wanted him to go into the communist country and spit on Castro’s face, and then go meet directly with those courageous Catholic and non Catholic dissidents and human rights activists who were detained and not allowed to be present in any of the Pope’s activities. That and much more, I must confess, I imagined that he and his delegation would have done.

  As I prayerfully reflected on his visit to Havana, I couldn’t help but think about Jesus Christ’s attitude and behavior towards the sinners of his time. Who were the sinners of his time? They were the tax collectors and the pagans.

The pagans were people who denied any existence of God (much like communists today in Cuba). They were sinful, disreputable, and enemies of the Children of Israel.

However, worse than being a pagan was being a "tax collector". The tax collectors were Jews that collected tax for the Roman government. The Romans were an occupying oppressor and anyone working for them was not just a tax collector but they were also traitors and guilty of complicity with the Romans to steal or extort money from their countrymen. These tax collectors caused much suffering to their own people, often they would  use physical force to steal from their own family and countrymen. (Here I could equate the tax collector with some of those who represent the Catholic Church in Cuba, whom many accuse of being “sell-outs” to the Castro’s communist regime).

I think of how Jesus went out of his way to meet these people (the pagans and tax collectors). Scriptures tells us that he ate with them and went to their parties in their homes. Jesus invited them to his teaching events. Jesus even used a pagan as an example of great faith and on Good Friday, as he hung on a cross Jesus forgave a pagan's sins and sent him to paradise. I wondered how some of his followers reacted to this, when they would see Jesus literally being friendly towards the worst kind of sinner that there could be and forgiving them of their sins? 

  The challenge for me during this recent trip of the Pope to Cuba was  that I need to remind myself that the Church is not just to be “Christ” to those who believe and are fighting for justice, but ALSO to those who reject a living, merciful and loving God.

  The Pope may not have had the agenda that I would have wanted.  Now I hear many lament this same sentiment and some now try to tarnish his image; which is as a presence of Christian hope and mercy to all Cubans (and all people everywhere) and points to repentance and deliverance. But this is not new, I pick up my bible and I read how in Jesus’ time there were those who tried to destroy Jesus’ image because of the same thing they accuse the Catholic Church and the Pope.

“But to what shall I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the market places, who call out to the other children, and say, ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’ For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon!’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.”  Matt 11: 16-19

So what do I make of the Pope’s trip to Cuba? I think that our great God being holy hates sin. I need to embrace Jesus as Savior of our sin, mine as well as yours and his and hers.....all sin. As I try to put it all in perspective I realize that it is an overwhelming amount of love God is pouring out on ALL of us even now. I believe in a merciful God who has changed my life and made ME a new creation then I must also accept that HIS mercy is to be demonstrated in all instances to all kinds of people. This is what my Pope and my Church taught me this week. He has challenged me to this kind of faith: to go and eat with the most sinful and show them God's love.  (Definitely, not what the world tells me is right) That is what I hold onto, even when it is hard to accept. Again I pick up my Bible and I am challenged by this scripture verse, which doesn’t make sense unless I truly strive to have this kind of faith.

“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Lk 6: 31-36 

It bears repeating: Be merciful as God is merciful.  Not easy; its a crazy kind of love, one the world cannot understand if not seen through the eyes of Christ.

Happy Birthday Son!

Calibration: what a great word!  The dictionary says it means “the checking of a measuring instrument against an accurate standard to determine any deviation and correct for errors.”

Eleven years ago today, I re-calibrated my life. This was the day my 4^th child was born.  After waiting for what seemed to be such a long time, Zachary was born during a full moon phase and in a very full St. Joseph’s hospital.   At 5:30pm I was holding a beautiful, well developed little boy, who was very skinny, but otherwise got a clean bill of health from the doctors.  That changed overnight.  The next morning, my son would be in NICU as specialists tried to find out why he was dying.

This story is a happy one, because today I am celebrating his 11^th birthday.  I like to retell his birth story because really, it was a rebirthing of our family as well.  His ordeal brought us all together in ways unimaginable.  His congenital defect that required hours of intricate “touch and go” surgery, strengthened my faith.  I truly felt held together spiritually by the prayers of many, families, friends, even strangers.   Although, his first year of life had me anxious every time he seemed to breathe differently, I also learned to enjoy every moment.  Looking back, Zac’s life has allowed me to re-calibrate my life.  I am more aware of when I am off-track with my calling to be a mom to my kids. The standard against which I measure is the one I learned as a young girl and have struggled with all my adult life, which is to possess a beatific attitude.  In my son I see this ability, one that radiates peace and is generously happy with being alive...we are all born with this and yet, we can easily lose it. 

In Catholic teaching, we learn about Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, also known as “the Beatitudes”. (Matt 5: 3-12)

Today I reflect on this special day and I think of what it means to be a child of God….here are the Beatitudes….

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall possess the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are they who suffer persecution for justice sake,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Every day I thank God for my beautiful family and I realize that each of my children continues to challenge me to calibrate my life so that I can focused on what is most important.

And today I say “Thank you God for sending us Zachary”. Happy Birthday my amazing Son!

Allowing Myself to be Broken

Fasting is an important part of Lent...but if we fast from food without fasting from our selfish desires then we might as well not fast at all.  What God desires from us is to turn ourselves away from our own indulgences and focus on Him as well as on those our around us who are vulnerable and in need. 

We can start in our own families.  Do we have dinner together every night?  What can I do to make the dinner table be a place that welcomes and encourages my family to come together to share the blessings of food, our stories from the day, our dreams for tomorrow?  It's easier to find time to pray by myself than it may be to clear off the table from our weekly projects so that we can all sit down each night as a family to eat supper together.
Perhaps I need to organize my home so that when others enter, there is peace and sense of calm. My home is a refuge, it where my family ends and begins their day; have I created a place where we all feel safe, loved and well cared for; a place that is open and welcoming to old friends or soon to be new friends?  Or do I let my temptation to collect stuff accummulate to the point where I am distracted by the clutter of objects in my home instead of by the memories; of the times we have shared inspiration, hope, laughter, moments of healing?
How about the area around my home? Have I cleaned up the litter, helped my neighbor fix his fence, even if its not in my yard. Have I properly disposed of waste, or respected and learned to work within the ecology of my community, realizing that I have an obligation to take care of the earth and not contribute to it's exploitation through my need to consume out of convenience and greed. After all, the earth and its creation is a reflection of God too. We are called to care for all of God's creation.
Lent is a good time to look at our surrounding environment, whether it be our home or our community, and examine where I have let go of creating a sacred space for my family or for my neighbors because I got caught up in my own concerns. It's a time to look at my past habits and examine them.
Kelly McGovern, who teaches at Denver Catholic Biblical School wrote, "Find the wound that keeps you hungry and thirsting for God.  Take off the dressings of busyness and denial.  Touch it at its most tender spot. And here's the hardest part: acknowledge how it keeps you bound in a cycle of sin.  In your brokeness, call out to God for help."

Let our Lenten fast allow us to focus on God and hear his voice that says to us, "Here I am." God is in my family, in my home and in my communities....how do I reflect his truth? 

Today I am challenged by this biblical passage: "Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the holy ones, exercise hospitality. Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse them.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation. Do not repay anyone evil for evil; be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all. If possible, on your part, live at peace with all." (Rom. 12:12-18) 

Yes, Lord I am listening!

To dust I shall return...

Lent is a time to reflect on our friendship with God.  We move so fast in our life; it is a real challenge to find extra time in our day to stop and think of our spiritual needs.   This season, also known as a time of purification and enlightenment helps us to stay focused on our need to be open to God’s grace and to be quiet….to stop listening to the world, to our ego, to our urges and to listen deeply for something more fulfilling.  It is also a time of re-commitment to our baptismal promises.  We prepare ourselves to become spiritually stronger, by freely purging ourselves of all things that keep us from making good choices. This is not as easy as it sounds.

The most important thing that could come from Lent is a deepening of our experience of God as our Father, Jesus as our Brother, and the Holy Spirit as our comforter.  In other words, we come to know Him better, and when we do that, we also come to know ourselves better too.  Our faith calls us to a constant conversion experience. Each day I wake up I have the opportunity to live in freedom, or not.  Each moment is a choice.  Lent becomes a time when we are called to examine all the choices we have been making. Our catechism teaches, "The more one does what is good, the freer one becomes. There is no true freedom except in the service of what is good and just. The choice to disobey and do evil is an abuse of freedom and leads to "the slavery of sin." (Cf. Rom 6:17) (CCC 1733)

Ash Wednesday starts it all off.  I always find it refreshing that even although this day is not a holy day of obligation, many Catholics will fill up the church building for at least three different Masses during the day in order to receive their ashes on their forehead. Signs are important.  This smudgy ashy mark, seen through our eyes of faith, is a way of reminding us of our physical mortality and our dependence on our merciful and loving God.  As the ashes are being placed on our forehead we may hear either phrase: “turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel” or “remember you are dust and to dust you shall return”.  These words are to remind us of our fragility and brokenness.  We are in need of our healer and our savior, Jesus Christ.

This particular day, along with every Friday during Lent are days of fasting and almsgiving.  We are called to sacrifice and to give more generously to those around us, especially the poor, those not so easy to love,  and the vulnerable. We are called to consume less, to live more simply, to follow Jesus into a “desert” experience and learn to rise above temptations.  (Matthew 4:2)

In today’s “instant gratification” kind of world, fasting may seem passé.  However, every year, I look forward to these forty days. It forces me to slow down and realize how easily I have become attached to material things or to unhealthy relationships.  Lent helps me to focus on others, not on myself. In doing so, I can become more fully alive.

What to give up?  Whatever we do for lent, we should do it sincerely, after reflection and prayer, and once we decide on what our sacrifice shall be, we should keep it to ourselves. No one else needs to know what we are sacrificing.  It is between me and God. 

Lent is a way to prepare to enter into our three holiest and most solemn days of the year: Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday (Easter Triduum) which culminates with the biggest celebration of our Christian calendar: Easter Sunday (Resurrection Day). 

Finally, remember that God is not in need of Lent. But we are in need of Him. I take time in Lent to strengthen my friendship with my Father, to sincerely apologize for the times I offended Him, to accept the forgiveness he so generously affords me through the sacrament of reconciliation, nourish myself by  frequenting our sacrament of Eucharist,  spend more time reading scriptures and  more time giving  to others and a miraculous thing happens… I become more the person I am called to be and I find Jesus truly more present in my life.  Easter becomes my reality!

Prayer for Discernment

O Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going,
I do not see the road ahead of me,
I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,
And that fact that I think
I am following Your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe
That the desire to please You
Does in fact please You.
And I hope I have that desire
In all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything
Apart from that desire to please You.
And I know that if I do this
You will lead me by the right road,
Though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust You always
Though I may seem to be lost
And in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
For You are ever with me,
And You will never leave me
To make my journey alone.

Source: Thomas Merton, Pax Christi, Benet Press, Erie, PA.