Just went through the Confirmation process in my parish. It was a beautiful ceremony where 103 were confirmed into the Catholic faith. We worked hard throughout this year to 'gather, nourish and send' those who came to our workshops, sessions, retreats in order to “get” confirmed. I met with many families and heard wonderful faith stories that led them to our church asking for Confirmation of their faith. The process began for our community last fall.
At some point along this roughly half a year journey we look for some indicators that the candidate is not in this just to “get” but to “become”. Becoming a fully initiated Catholic is not the most popular thing to do. Let’s face it! Christianity in general is looked upon as old-fashioned in today’s 'instantaneous' modern society where convenience and efficiency is preferred, and tradition, process and ritual are rejected in a world where many people strive for a cool identity. Along these past few months we exposed our candidates to a radical view of the world and of ourselves. We explored what it means to be catholic and Catholic….which may not look like what we see most of the time. Catholic means believing in a sacramental view of our world. It means believing that Jesus saved us from our sins by dying on a cross and by resurrecting, he has assured us of our own resurrection. We are called to be a people who re-member and who celebrate. We are called to repent, to forgive, to be hopeful. We are called to be servants. It means believing that we are called to be imitators of him.
We confront the reality of becoming a disciple and as “adults” we have the ability to choose. Our candidates learned to honestly ask themselves “Is this the person that I want to follow?” It pains us when some choose to wait, or decide no. It’s ok if they’re not ready, we don’t push them. Everyone’s faith journey is unique. We should not judge or compare them with others. We should continue to be welcoming and loving to those who decide this is not the time to commit.
So last Saturday, I sat in the pew with my candidate, I felt the reverence in the sacred space and the nervous energy of those who assembled that morning, waiting for the moment when the Bishop anointed them with the Oil of Chrism and doing so with authority of the Church of Rome, welcomed them into the Church. I thought of those few who decided to wait. This was not their moment. I prayed for them and I knew that it’s ok. Their absence is a challenge to us as community that we need to accept one another wherever we are along this journey of faith. We love them no less, God loves them no less,….we realize that passing on our faith means to share our own struggles in our faith. We need to learn to constantly discern our personal relationship with God. We need to ask ourselves “Is Jesus Christ the person that I want to commit to?”
Being a fully initiated Catholic, I wrestle with this question at times, but I realize that the struggle is not with Jesus, it is with me. Because being Catholic means accepting the dark times in my life, the times when I have doubted God’s existence for example, in order to find wonder in the light of Christ. The times when I have doubted, I have been blessed to find that God never left my side at all!
Mother Theresa wrote about this kind of spiritual struggle in her letters to her confessor. They were made public a short time ago. I think that her words remind us that being Catholic is not about how we feel about being a follower of Christ.
“Where is my Faith — even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness — My God — how painful is this unknown pain — I have no Faith — I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart — & make me suffer untold agony”.
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1655415-3,00.html#ixzz1FxgTp4mF
Being Catholic is not about “feeling” Catholic, it is about believing in and committing myself to Jesus, in spite of who I am, in spite of my struggles. This person, Jesus, that we follow is always available to us, even if we don’t feel his presence-this makes being Catholic less popular but, oh, such a powerful way to live!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Into the blog world with Zac
My son started his own blog this week, its called “Zac Wonders”. He is very excited about it and it is encouraging him to write about things he thinks about. I am acting as his editor. He loves to take photos, so this has been a good way for him to use digital photography and digital story telling software as tools. This makes me realize how important it is to help our kids how to navigate their digital culture.
Kids today have so many choices on how and with whom to communicate. They also have more choices than I ever did on where they can travel-virtually that is. One of my jobs as a parent of 3 daughters who were pre-teens as the social media craze took off back in the 90’s was to protect them from this digital world that was invading our world. It was scary to me! Who are they talking with? Back then I remember they had their home phone still stuck to one ear, while they sat in front of our computer monitor that was stationed in the loft area of our upstairs hallway. As a parent, I always knew when they were on the computer and would supervise by walking around and checking out what they would be writing, etc. Yes, there were a few times when they had to be barred from the internet, due to breaking important rules such as: keeping up with homework for example.
Today, this scenario has changed in my home in the following ways: the computer monitor still sits in the hallway; but no one ever uses it, because everyone in our house now owns their own laptop. This creates a new challenge: how or when to monitor? Thankfully, I only have one child left for which this is a concern. My youngest daughter who still lives at home is old enough that I rely on her wisdom. My son however, must ask permission when he wants to use his laptop. Right now, it is mostly for playing online games with his cousin. He has been able to Skype with his cousins from Houston, playing Scattegories with them and with family when he has gone away on vacation. For him, this is not a novelty, as it is for me. One other thing that has changed is that land phones are practically non existent anymore. We have a portable phone upstairs that only my son uses. The rest of us use our cell phones. My almost 20 year old daughter doesn’t talk on the phone, she texts almost everyone. Problem is, with whom is she texting? But as I said, she is now past the age where I can control that anymore. This is why my son is not yet an owner of a cell phone. Of course, he has reminded us many times how horrible we are as parents (unlike his friend’s parents) who allow their children to have their own cell phones. Hey, this pressure existed before cell phones…there is always something other parents get their kids that our kids won’t get-so this doesn’t really affect my parental self esteem at all.
Back to Zac’s blog: so this will be new territory for me too. He and I are both learning, just like I learned about the social media networks along with my daughters. Today I don’t find social networking sites so scary, in fact, it is how I communicate daily with my daughters. I know the limits and am aware of how important it is to manage my online persona so that it doesn’t control me. This is what I need to model for my child. This is the challenge for all us parents and teachers-that we have a responsibility not only to monitor what our kids do but to walk with them into the digital world hand in hand.
Kids today have so many choices on how and with whom to communicate. They also have more choices than I ever did on where they can travel-virtually that is. One of my jobs as a parent of 3 daughters who were pre-teens as the social media craze took off back in the 90’s was to protect them from this digital world that was invading our world. It was scary to me! Who are they talking with? Back then I remember they had their home phone still stuck to one ear, while they sat in front of our computer monitor that was stationed in the loft area of our upstairs hallway. As a parent, I always knew when they were on the computer and would supervise by walking around and checking out what they would be writing, etc. Yes, there were a few times when they had to be barred from the internet, due to breaking important rules such as: keeping up with homework for example.
Today, this scenario has changed in my home in the following ways: the computer monitor still sits in the hallway; but no one ever uses it, because everyone in our house now owns their own laptop. This creates a new challenge: how or when to monitor? Thankfully, I only have one child left for which this is a concern. My youngest daughter who still lives at home is old enough that I rely on her wisdom. My son however, must ask permission when he wants to use his laptop. Right now, it is mostly for playing online games with his cousin. He has been able to Skype with his cousins from Houston, playing Scattegories with them and with family when he has gone away on vacation. For him, this is not a novelty, as it is for me. One other thing that has changed is that land phones are practically non existent anymore. We have a portable phone upstairs that only my son uses. The rest of us use our cell phones. My almost 20 year old daughter doesn’t talk on the phone, she texts almost everyone. Problem is, with whom is she texting? But as I said, she is now past the age where I can control that anymore. This is why my son is not yet an owner of a cell phone. Of course, he has reminded us many times how horrible we are as parents (unlike his friend’s parents) who allow their children to have their own cell phones. Hey, this pressure existed before cell phones…there is always something other parents get their kids that our kids won’t get-so this doesn’t really affect my parental self esteem at all.
Back to Zac’s blog: so this will be new territory for me too. He and I are both learning, just like I learned about the social media networks along with my daughters. Today I don’t find social networking sites so scary, in fact, it is how I communicate daily with my daughters. I know the limits and am aware of how important it is to manage my online persona so that it doesn’t control me. This is what I need to model for my child. This is the challenge for all us parents and teachers-that we have a responsibility not only to monitor what our kids do but to walk with them into the digital world hand in hand.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Our own struggle for freedom
Yesterday, all day I sat riveted to my TV screen watching the people of Egypt celebrate in the streets the fact that their 30 year dictator is gone from office. They now for the first time in a long time have hope that they may be able to control the future of their country. This incredible moment made me think of the history of Egypt, as taught to me through the Bible stories I learned as a young girl in Catholic school, the readings at Mass, and later my own faith formation as an adult. I couldn’t help but think of the story of those Jews who were held as slaves by the Egyptian pharaohs and were put to work to build the pyramids, I thought of the story of Moses and the Hebrew people crossing the Nile and wondered if their jubilee was just as intense, if the same kinds of dancing and prancing were experienced by those ancient peoples once they realized that they were now free. I also couldn’t help but think of my own history; my own exile from my birth country. The excitement I felt when I touched USA soil, (OK, it was snow when I landed) and realized I was in a foreign land. The hugs and banquet that awaited me in my family’s homes (food that was uncomfortable to eat and family’s faces that reflected eyes of many different colors I had never seen, skin tones and hair color so unlike my own) and yet, I remember the joy and sense of freedom I was breathing as something to be thrilled about. I also was thinking of how I had to leave behind a past that I would not ever experience again, even if I could go back. I knew that my life had changed in a big way.
This is what the Egyptian people experienced yesterday. Their life changed in a big way and no matter what, it can never be what it was in the past. What the future holds in store for them may create new anxieties, new experiences, new interactions.
However, there is a renewed hope in knowing that now they are in charge of their destiny.
This struggle for freedom is what is happening all over the world, and has been happening, since the beginning of time. The dilemma of the human race is that if we are not careful we may take for granted those basic rights that we instinctively desire.
Yesterday was a reminder that I should celebrate with the Egyptian people and remember that like them, I too am part of the human community and our human dignity is only fully realized in a community that strives to bring good about. The future is still a big question mark for Egypt, but I have faith and hope that goodness will prevail. How have you experienced a struggle for freedom? What were you thinking when you saw the Egyptian people dancing in the streets?
This is what the Egyptian people experienced yesterday. Their life changed in a big way and no matter what, it can never be what it was in the past. What the future holds in store for them may create new anxieties, new experiences, new interactions.
However, there is a renewed hope in knowing that now they are in charge of their destiny.
This struggle for freedom is what is happening all over the world, and has been happening, since the beginning of time. The dilemma of the human race is that if we are not careful we may take for granted those basic rights that we instinctively desire.
Yesterday was a reminder that I should celebrate with the Egyptian people and remember that like them, I too am part of the human community and our human dignity is only fully realized in a community that strives to bring good about. The future is still a big question mark for Egypt, but I have faith and hope that goodness will prevail. How have you experienced a struggle for freedom? What were you thinking when you saw the Egyptian people dancing in the streets?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
This is something I found that I have enjoyed reflecting on lately:
The Paradoxical Commanments-by Dr. Kent M. Keith
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self centered-Love them anywyay.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives-do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies-succeed anyway.
The good you today will be forgotten tomorrow-do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable-be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds-think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs-fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend a few years building may be destroyed overnight-
build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them-help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth-give the world the best you have anyway.
The Paradoxical Commanments-by Dr. Kent M. Keith
People are illogical, unreasonable, and self centered-Love them anywyay.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives-do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies-succeed anyway.
The good you today will be forgotten tomorrow-do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable-be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds-think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs-fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend a few years building may be destroyed overnight-
build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them-help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth-give the world the best you have anyway.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
A beautiful Prayer for meditation
Christmas Prayer of Pope John
Christmas Prayer of Pope John XXIII
O sweet Child of Bethlehem,
grant that we may share with all our hearts
in this profound mystery of Christmas.
Put into the hearts of men and women this peace
for which they sometimes seek so desperately
and which you alone can give to them.
Help them to know one another better,
and to live as brothers and sisters,
children of the same Father.
Reveal to them also your beauty, holiness and purity.
Awaken in their hearts
love and gratitude for your infinite goodness.
Join them all together in your love.
And give us your heavenly peace. Amen.
Pope John XXIII
~~~~~~
Christmas Prayer of Pope John
Christmas Prayer of Pope John XXIII
O sweet Child of Bethlehem,
grant that we may share with all our hearts
in this profound mystery of Christmas.
Put into the hearts of men and women this peace
for which they sometimes seek so desperately
and which you alone can give to them.
Help them to know one another better,
and to live as brothers and sisters,
children of the same Father.
Reveal to them also your beauty, holiness and purity.
Awaken in their hearts
love and gratitude for your infinite goodness.
Join them all together in your love.
And give us your heavenly peace. Amen.
Pope John XXIII
~~~~~~
Christmas Prayer of Pope John
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
A little Christmas Miracle
Six months ago I began my DRE journey with the same fears and joy that I had with the birth of each of my children. There was joy in knowing that this new path is where I needed and wanted to be, but there was also fear of the unknown. Looking back I am aware of how each day I have grown and become more comfortable in the day to day decisions I have to make. The role of a parish catechetical leader is not an easy one, but I am so thankful to have faithful mentors around me who I can confide in and go to when I am perplexed, flustered, or down right confused. Today as I wrap up my work for the 2010 year, I was wonderfully surprised with our parish’s new website. This has been something that I have been praying about for some time. How important is it to be able to reach out to our community through a friendly and easy to use virtual front door? It is invaluable! In fact, a few hours after checking it out, a parish member called me to express his pleasure. He had heard me say “we are working on getting a new website” for a few months and here it was! The new website had not been a priority until the new staff, including myself, realized that it had to be a priority. Through team work and open communication the parish manager and the faith formation team pressed on. Providentially, a parish member called asking to help us with a new website. He is someone who came through RCIA last year and owns a business in communications. I think he understands the mission of the virtual evangelist, especially as he himself experienced the transformative power of what “being in community” means. My DRE journey must include cyber space as one of the evangelization fields. I am just a novice in this realm….but today I am affirmed that I have a lot of good people around me who God sends at the right time and we must be prepared so we can say “yes, let’s do it, we are ready”! Can’t get caught up in my biases or fears….come to think of it, isn’t this the Christmas message…to prepare ourselves for the coming of the Lord. If we focus on our fears, we can’t receive him…but if we open ourselves up and say “yes Lord, let’s do it, I am ready”’ well, perhaps that is how the miracle will happen! Overall, as I finish this last blog for the year I am blessed to be sitting here marveling at my little Christmas miracle: Incarnation’s new website!
Friday, October 29, 2010
My Return Home through the Cross
This week I have been asked to reflect on the Parable of the prodigal Son-in reality this story should be known as the Forgiving Father. In this story we have 3 characters but I want to focus on two:
The younger son who takes his possessions, asks for what is his, and goes off to make his own fortune. The story is told through the lens of that culture, which the son, by asking for his inheritance before his father’s passing on means that he, has no intention of returning.
Then we are told of The Father who represents our loving God, who when his son asks for what is his, gives it to him even knowing that his son’s intention is to never come back. He knows his son is asking for independence. He knows that his son doesn’t realize what he is asking for, and gives it to him anyway.
What happens? The son eventually realizes that he has lost everything. The story doesn’t go into detail, because a parable is not meant to be rich in details, but the richness is in the meaning. What meaning does it have for us to understand that when we go off to try to do things on our own, we end up losing?
Personally, I can share that I have been that son who thinks he doesn’t need his father. I walked away from God, thinking that I can get what I need from my work, from my family or friends, even from my husband. I realized eventually, that if I am not in a relationship with God, all of those things are just distractions. Those distractions create more distractions. I have approached God with an attitude of what I could “get” from him. We live in a culture where what is valuable is what we “get”, what we acquire, what we work for. The lesson in this story is that those things that we go after are not what God has in mind for us.
God gave us his Son, who willing gave up everything in order to do God’s will. Some days I am very aware of my cross-I feel overwhelmed by financial obligations, by work commitments, by goals that I have set for myself…..and I realize when I am in prayer; this is not what God wants of me-to be a fool running around, no sense of time, no sense of who I am. He wants me to be whole, and so I have to give it all up. Every day when I wake up God asks me to give him everything: my kids, my husband, my life. This is not easy…. the more I know this, the more I need to talk to God and listen to what he is asking of me.
This morning was a very tough for me. My family is going through some very difficult problems. After spending the morning consulting experts on the matters that I am struggling with, I took a detour and ended up at a prayer garden. This prayer garden was very peaceful; there was a meandering path, and shade trees, nooks to meditate in the beauty of a natural park. What struck me was that this prayer garden was actually a path for praying the Stations of the Cross. God led me straight to His cross. Now, my family prays this meditative prayer every Lent, usually on Fridays. It is a wonderful way to reflect on the mystery of Christ’s passion story-that Jesus, who was a man as well as divine, suffered for our sins -he willingly carried his cross all the way up to the hill where he was cruelly murdered. He did that for me, and for you!
As I walked into this park I encountered the first station, where there was a beautiful, large sculpture, carved out of white rock, it presented me the image of Jesus being handed his cross. I encountered this mystery through this artwork and realized that without knowing the prayer by memory, I was beginning to understand this experience in a very deep and new way. I understood that I too have to willingly take my cross, to plunge into my situation head on, to accept what comes my way, whether I deserve it or not. I can’t try to hide from my problems, or numb myself through alcohol or eating or shopping or smoking or mindless TV watching…or whatever else.......no I must accept it. Then I continued to walk this path and I ended up in a smaller path where I encountered the 4th station. Here I saw Jesus falling under the weight of the cross….this is how I felt at that moment. I didn’t think I could bear this problem….tears came to my eyes, because as I scanned the park I saw how much more Jesus endured for me…..I was only at the 4th station and yet, he didn’t give up then. In fact, I noticed that there were people around him who were helping him carry this cross. I thought of the people in my life that God has been sending me lately to give me a good word, or have prepared a meal, or gave a ride to my son to a soccer game, or have prayed for me. I realized that my father in heaven sent those people to me; these are the people who are helping me carry my cross. The faith of these people is the faith that is sustaining me. I wondered, was Jesus also feeling like he couldn’t carry this cross any longer? Did these people who appeared not just give him physical assistance, but also spiritual and mental strength? Jesus knew he had to keep going. I know I have to keep going too. This station was encouraging me to accept my cross with faith.
After walking this tranquil path, I came to the end….the final station which is where Jesus is being taken from the Cross and only a few friends are there left with him. Almost everyone had abandoned him, but God never did. His mother and his closest friend John were still there. I think about my life….who has stuck by me through thick and thin? These people were my church! They are the ones who love me even when I have nothing left…. Nothing at all….and yet, they don’t see through the lens of the world; they see that in reality, I may have something very powerful, something very valuable, I may have a purified heart. Why is my heart pure? Because by giving it all away I may gain something better, I have God’s love and mercy. I can’t cling to things I can acquire….in giving up the material stuff, my power, my ego, my obsessions, my distractions, I find that God gives me something much more meaningful and important for me.
As I reflected on this thought, that God is asking me to do what Jesus did, to follow him by letting go of everything and everyone, I too will find peace. At the end of that walk, I ended up in a chapel where the Blessed Sacrament was exposed and there was a group of ladies there in adoration. At first I wanted to stay hidden from the Blessed Sacrament, but soon I knew I needed to get closer. I had to talk to Jesus….I had to plunge into the mystery of what is he asking me to do. My tears felt like a cleansing. I sat there in front of the tabernacle and heard these words: “Are you willing to let go so I can give you something better?”
This question was like a break through…..God is telling me to trust in him. Can I really trust in him? I claim to be a Christian, someone who is a follower, a disciple of Jesus…this is where the rubber hits the road. Darn it, I thought to myself, I have been in denial! Look at all the stupid things I have said, not said, done, not done…..pretending to be someone I am not. God is saying to me-let go Carmen. Let it all go. I can’t Lord, I have a lot of good reasons why I can’t. So did Jesus, by gosh, he was just starting his ministry, he was just organizing his church, he had so many more people to save. Yet, God had a different plan. Jesus was willing to struggle through what God had placed before him and let it all go and in doing so God has left me and you with his church and his gifts which are the sacraments. I so easily continue to walk away from it, and yet, God continues to call me back. God wants you back.
Why do we go to church? Do we go to “get” something? Or because we want to let go? By bringing our kids to the church for the sacraments are we teaching them that we can “get” confession, or "get" communion….or that we are called by God to reach deep inside ourselves, be true to ourselves, and before a priest, who is representing Christ, be able to say “I am sorry I haven’t been able to let go….help me! Heal me!” He wants us to have enough trust in Him that whatever our cross is that we may be carrying, He will not abandon us! He sustains us through his church, through his sacrament of Eucharist. These are the gifts that through Jesus God has given us ….He did not abandon us! My lesson today, as I left the chapel was that I need to go live my life today knowing this-that we, as followers of Jesus, are called to be joyful people. We can be joyful and hopeful even in the midst of our heaviest cross, because God is a forgiving father who waits for us in his sacraments and in his church. Let’s teach our kids how to run to meet him too!
Reflect:
What is God asking you to let go of?
The younger son who takes his possessions, asks for what is his, and goes off to make his own fortune. The story is told through the lens of that culture, which the son, by asking for his inheritance before his father’s passing on means that he, has no intention of returning.
Then we are told of The Father who represents our loving God, who when his son asks for what is his, gives it to him even knowing that his son’s intention is to never come back. He knows his son is asking for independence. He knows that his son doesn’t realize what he is asking for, and gives it to him anyway.
What happens? The son eventually realizes that he has lost everything. The story doesn’t go into detail, because a parable is not meant to be rich in details, but the richness is in the meaning. What meaning does it have for us to understand that when we go off to try to do things on our own, we end up losing?
Personally, I can share that I have been that son who thinks he doesn’t need his father. I walked away from God, thinking that I can get what I need from my work, from my family or friends, even from my husband. I realized eventually, that if I am not in a relationship with God, all of those things are just distractions. Those distractions create more distractions. I have approached God with an attitude of what I could “get” from him. We live in a culture where what is valuable is what we “get”, what we acquire, what we work for. The lesson in this story is that those things that we go after are not what God has in mind for us.
God gave us his Son, who willing gave up everything in order to do God’s will. Some days I am very aware of my cross-I feel overwhelmed by financial obligations, by work commitments, by goals that I have set for myself…..and I realize when I am in prayer; this is not what God wants of me-to be a fool running around, no sense of time, no sense of who I am. He wants me to be whole, and so I have to give it all up. Every day when I wake up God asks me to give him everything: my kids, my husband, my life. This is not easy…. the more I know this, the more I need to talk to God and listen to what he is asking of me.
This morning was a very tough for me. My family is going through some very difficult problems. After spending the morning consulting experts on the matters that I am struggling with, I took a detour and ended up at a prayer garden. This prayer garden was very peaceful; there was a meandering path, and shade trees, nooks to meditate in the beauty of a natural park. What struck me was that this prayer garden was actually a path for praying the Stations of the Cross. God led me straight to His cross. Now, my family prays this meditative prayer every Lent, usually on Fridays. It is a wonderful way to reflect on the mystery of Christ’s passion story-that Jesus, who was a man as well as divine, suffered for our sins -he willingly carried his cross all the way up to the hill where he was cruelly murdered. He did that for me, and for you!
As I walked into this park I encountered the first station, where there was a beautiful, large sculpture, carved out of white rock, it presented me the image of Jesus being handed his cross. I encountered this mystery through this artwork and realized that without knowing the prayer by memory, I was beginning to understand this experience in a very deep and new way. I understood that I too have to willingly take my cross, to plunge into my situation head on, to accept what comes my way, whether I deserve it or not. I can’t try to hide from my problems, or numb myself through alcohol or eating or shopping or smoking or mindless TV watching…or whatever else.......no I must accept it. Then I continued to walk this path and I ended up in a smaller path where I encountered the 4th station. Here I saw Jesus falling under the weight of the cross….this is how I felt at that moment. I didn’t think I could bear this problem….tears came to my eyes, because as I scanned the park I saw how much more Jesus endured for me…..I was only at the 4th station and yet, he didn’t give up then. In fact, I noticed that there were people around him who were helping him carry this cross. I thought of the people in my life that God has been sending me lately to give me a good word, or have prepared a meal, or gave a ride to my son to a soccer game, or have prayed for me. I realized that my father in heaven sent those people to me; these are the people who are helping me carry my cross. The faith of these people is the faith that is sustaining me. I wondered, was Jesus also feeling like he couldn’t carry this cross any longer? Did these people who appeared not just give him physical assistance, but also spiritual and mental strength? Jesus knew he had to keep going. I know I have to keep going too. This station was encouraging me to accept my cross with faith.
After walking this tranquil path, I came to the end….the final station which is where Jesus is being taken from the Cross and only a few friends are there left with him. Almost everyone had abandoned him, but God never did. His mother and his closest friend John were still there. I think about my life….who has stuck by me through thick and thin? These people were my church! They are the ones who love me even when I have nothing left…. Nothing at all….and yet, they don’t see through the lens of the world; they see that in reality, I may have something very powerful, something very valuable, I may have a purified heart. Why is my heart pure? Because by giving it all away I may gain something better, I have God’s love and mercy. I can’t cling to things I can acquire….in giving up the material stuff, my power, my ego, my obsessions, my distractions, I find that God gives me something much more meaningful and important for me.
As I reflected on this thought, that God is asking me to do what Jesus did, to follow him by letting go of everything and everyone, I too will find peace. At the end of that walk, I ended up in a chapel where the Blessed Sacrament was exposed and there was a group of ladies there in adoration. At first I wanted to stay hidden from the Blessed Sacrament, but soon I knew I needed to get closer. I had to talk to Jesus….I had to plunge into the mystery of what is he asking me to do. My tears felt like a cleansing. I sat there in front of the tabernacle and heard these words: “Are you willing to let go so I can give you something better?”
This question was like a break through…..God is telling me to trust in him. Can I really trust in him? I claim to be a Christian, someone who is a follower, a disciple of Jesus…this is where the rubber hits the road. Darn it, I thought to myself, I have been in denial! Look at all the stupid things I have said, not said, done, not done…..pretending to be someone I am not. God is saying to me-let go Carmen. Let it all go. I can’t Lord, I have a lot of good reasons why I can’t. So did Jesus, by gosh, he was just starting his ministry, he was just organizing his church, he had so many more people to save. Yet, God had a different plan. Jesus was willing to struggle through what God had placed before him and let it all go and in doing so God has left me and you with his church and his gifts which are the sacraments. I so easily continue to walk away from it, and yet, God continues to call me back. God wants you back.
Why do we go to church? Do we go to “get” something? Or because we want to let go? By bringing our kids to the church for the sacraments are we teaching them that we can “get” confession, or "get" communion….or that we are called by God to reach deep inside ourselves, be true to ourselves, and before a priest, who is representing Christ, be able to say “I am sorry I haven’t been able to let go….help me! Heal me!” He wants us to have enough trust in Him that whatever our cross is that we may be carrying, He will not abandon us! He sustains us through his church, through his sacrament of Eucharist. These are the gifts that through Jesus God has given us ….He did not abandon us! My lesson today, as I left the chapel was that I need to go live my life today knowing this-that we, as followers of Jesus, are called to be joyful people. We can be joyful and hopeful even in the midst of our heaviest cross, because God is a forgiving father who waits for us in his sacraments and in his church. Let’s teach our kids how to run to meet him too!
Reflect:
What is God asking you to let go of?
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