Ignatian prayer


An Ignatian
Prayer....

Lord, teach me to be
generous.
Teach me to serve you as you deserve,
to give and not to count
the cost,
to fight and not to heed the wounds,
to toil and not to seek
rest,
to labor and not to ask for reward,
save that of knowing that I do
your will.


Friday, March 7, 2014

Who is this boy? A birthday reflection for my Son.


This morning I ventured into my almost 13 year old boy’s room and realized that if I squinted my eyes, tilted my head, held my tongue, and looked really carefully, beyond the chaos I would see who my son truly is.

His bed unmade and blanket lying on the floor, tells me how anxious he was to go out into the world this morning, ready to confront the struggles of the day; obviously no time for bed making! This boy is an advernturer!

Five empty of Gatorade lay on the floor, like grenades, half hiding, waiting to be stepped on. They challenged me to walk over them, snickering at me as I pass.  What a strange kid he is I think to myself, so in  need of constant hydration and yet not enough sense to toss these silent mom-bombs into his trash basket only 3 feet away from his bed.   Surely, this must be a secret military experiment; he is waiting to see who explodes first, the room full of empty bottles or his mom who will blow her top seeing all this on the floor?  Such a silly military scientist in training.

Colorful plastic clothes hangers wrestle on the bottom of his closet.  As I stare at this structural feat, I was amazed at how high this sculpture rises from the floor and obviously I think, in this room sleeps an engineer or an artist!  Perhaps this is how Monsieur Eiffel got started before he designed the famous Parisian tower or his Statue of Liberty. Why, it is like a modern work that rivals the likes of Klee or Picasso.  This boy is so creative!

The dresser top is in competition with the bedroom floor; strewn with not empty drink bottles, but empty cologne bottles.  He goes through these fragrant sprays as quickly as he sucks down his hydration.  A Clearasil tube is evidence of his transition into puberty. His collection of used toiletries makes me realize there may be moments when he realizes that being a slob may not be so “cool”. Like his father, my boy likes to look good and smell good too! This gives me some hope!

Around his bed, almost outlining his silhouette from the night before, are rejected study papers, quizzes, stacks of lessons.  Here sat an intelligent boy, doing his homework last night, catching up on old work. What boy has time to pick up his own papers when he has so much more scholastic work to do? I realize I must not disturb his algebraic formulas, as he will return to them this weekend I am sure!!!! He is obviously a studious boy!

Who knew that 13 years ago I would be walking into a boy’s room that makes my 50+ year old hairs stand on end; that I would have given birth to a son who just doesn’t understand why bed sheets need to be changed often? A boy who can’t conceive why his dog should not be daily rummaging for snacks in his trash can or sleeping on his  stack of clean laundry?  Who would have convinced me that my son would be perfectly fine wearing stinky khakis to every occasion on earth, or that opened bedroom doors are better left closed and closed closet doors are best left open (because the hanger sculpture make it impossible to close) and that washing up means getting water all over the place except where it is meant to clean or that clean clothes means that they were actually laundered not just that they never made it to  the hamper?
No one could have convinced me how much I could love my 13 year old son so much despite his messy room and his magnetism for dirt and his obsession for Gatorade and dirty shorts!  I love this boy so much and I can’t imagine how I could have ever lived without walking by his artistic/scientist/homework lab  every morning, a place we like to call his bedroom.

Happy 13th birthday Zachary Andrew!!!  I am as much in love with you today as I was when I first held you in my arms.