Cost of discipleship-Reflection on this Sunday's Gospel

There is a special date in my life that changed my trajectory. It was January 13th.  On that day Jesus and I intersected.  Well, Jesus had been after me for many years, but it was that day in 1996 that I heard him say my name and ask me an important question.  "Will you follow me?" On that day I responded.

This Sunday's  story we hear from St. Luke (9:51-62) the story of Jesus who was headed to Jerusalem.  He was with his disciples and he rebukes them for wanting to punish a town that does not welcome them.  Jesus once again shows us that he is more interested in evangelizing through his actions of peace.  Jesus invites us to follow him, he doesn't intimidate us nor does he humiliate us into following him.  And this is how Jesus came to me too.  He came gently into my heart and said to me "I love you".

On that day I was determined I would be a follower of Jesus'.  I had a lot to learn, despite having grown up Catholic I was like a baby in my faith; I was eager.  I wanted to know him more.
Standing in front of a tabernacle in a very humble church environment far from home, after having received communion,  I fell in love with my Lord. I heard him clearly and I responded in faith: "Yes Lord, I will follow you."  But I was afraid.  I heard him say, "trust me, have no fear".  So I stepped out of my old life and way of being that day and never looked back.

I desired to be obedient to his teachings, I was eager to follow his ways. I began to devour the Bible and I would pray...."Lord, you want me to go to Africa? Ok! I will go."  Or, "Lord, you want me to volunteer at a homeless shelter? Yes, I will do it!"  But instead I heard him say to me in the silence of my heart to be at peace. He began to teach me to pray and care for my family. I learned to be patient with myself.  It was going to take some time for him to teach me new behaviors, new attitudes, new ways of loving. He was challenging me to stretch myself. I began to forgive old debts. I began to heal old wounds. I learned to love Mary, his mother as my own mom.  She became a model for me on what it means to be a disciple, as woman and a mother.

Jesus calls each of us to be his disciple every day. He asks us to take up our cross. There is a definite cost to discipleship. For each one of us it is different.  We hear this in the gospel when each individual tells Jesus one reason or another why they must take care of something first.  Jesus says to focus first on following him.  He clearly wants us to understand that there will be discomfort in our experiences as a disciple.  Remember, he asks us to travel down a narrow road!  We'll find many who question our sanity or our intellect.  He asks us to step outside of our comfort zones.  He asks us to have courage! 

In those days my gaze had been on a very promising career.  I worked very hard and I was earning a good income; acquiring prestige in my professional circle. I was passionate about my work, it seemed it consumed my life. I had no time for anything else.  I loved my children and husband very much.  My husband and I struggled to make time for one another. Having encountered Jesus, I realized it was time to make some decisions I had avoided because my pride would get in the way. I left my full time position and reset my gaze on Jesus. I trusted that the  gifts that the Father had given me  which I had been able to use in my profession would now be used first for the Glory of God instead of for my own glory. 

I don't regret this decision.  It has taken me down a road of an unknown future and of many surprises, yet I have never felt alone nor weak.  When I think of my future, I am looking beyond retirement, I am looking at where I want to be spiritually once my body is cast off.  I know that my life has a super natural purpose, Jesus is not  going to lead me astray.  

Looking back on my life, the cost of discipleship for me has been devastating if seen from a secular point of view.  But from a spiritual perspective I have gained so much more than I could ever have imagined.  I feel peaceful.  I feel fulfilled.  I feel alive.  I have refocused my life around prayer and feeding myself and my family spiritually.  Each day Jesus asks me to give something up, and I have been given the grace to say yes. The Christian path is a life of denial. As Paul says, it is no longer I that lives but Christ lives in me.  (Gal 2: 20)  I am still being taught by him, often I fail.  Yet, these words which I heard I still treasure are not far from my mind, "trust in me...pray often....have no fear".  I believe that through prayer this has been an  answer which led me straight to my savior, who had been waiting for me in the Eucharist all this time.  There he lovingly invited me to follow him.

Is there a cost to following him? You bet!  If you let go of  fears, say yes, you too will say that he is worth it all!